Communicating in a dating relationship

Normally, I would have to put away jars, boxes and whatever else he'd left behind on the kitchen counter after a snack.

Then I'd follow up with a damp sponge to get any crumbs or spillage.

True to form, not only did he leave behind the dirty pot, but some spilled soup on the stovetop, too.

I recalled the advice of New York City psychotherapist and advice columnist Jonathan Alpert, LPC, who suggested I show my husband exactly what needed to be done. "Tell him what he should shoot for."So I called my husband back into the kitchen.

He seemed pleased (and a bit shocked) when I thanked him afterward.

Now, whenever I want him to take out the trash, I summon my kinder, gentler self.2. One of the goals in my Husband Whisperer experiment was to get my husband to clean up after himself.

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Or, on a more pragmatic level, could I get him to do what I want without nagging, yelling or being passive-aggressive?", like a frustrated teenager begging for the car keys. It's starting to stink." I could have left out the last part, I suppose, but I did get a response, although it wasn't the one I wanted: "I'll do it when I get back from the gym."Later, when the garbage remained unchanged (and still smelly), I upped my game and took the advice of Toni Coleman, LCSW, a relationship coach from Mc Lean, Virginia, who'd told me, "Your husband will respond better if you place a persuasive hand on his arm or back.Not surprisingly, that didn't even bring a response. Men really respond to physical touch."So I leaned in closely until we were practically cheek to jowl, but not close enough to block his view of the evening news, and I placed my hand gently on his shoulder.So, armed with an arsenal of expert tips, I embarked on a four-week experiment to see if I could somehow morph into a Husband Whisperer and, with practice, patience and perseverance, mold my spouse's mind ever so gently.Here's the advice I followed, along with the results.1." He looked at me as if I had just performed a mindfreak. It may seem like a small victory, and the results aren't always perfect, but little things like this are a giant step for my peace of mind.3. Another key to being a good Husband Whisperer, I found, is getting your spouse to empathize with your situation.


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